I am very late in posting this birthday post (backdated to January 17). I woke up on my actual birthday and writing a blog post seemed to be the furtherest thing from my mind. All things considered, I feel incredibly lucky to be alive.
This past year has been something else. While I have managed to avoid COVID, I did not manage dealing with some self-destructive choices that led me spending six months of last year living somewhere other than my house. That time away led to a lot of introspection and reflection on some horrible choices I made, realizing that I needed help to overcome my own demons, and to let go of some control. Basically, I shipwrecked my life and found myself floating, holding on to anything that would keep me afloat.
The process of healing is hard, both for me and for others. Yet I feel thankful for my family and friends who have stood with me as I attempt to take the broken pieces of my life and put them back together.
Nothing about this past year has felt normal. It’s hard to plan when so much is changing. My middle school classes have been Petri dishes and I spend most of my days wearing an uncomfortable KN-95 mask and sitting behind a desk covered with plexiglass. It’s taken a toll on me physically, mentally and emotionally. All I want to do with my free time is sleep.
The past year brought some uncomfortableness physically. On one hand, I realize that I’m 44 and not 24 now. I got back into officiating football and soccer, and while I love it for numerous reasons that I’ll explain another time, it has caused its share of aches and pains that I didn’t notice before. I really started to relate to this Garth Brooks song.
I don’t have any particular wisdom to share right now. I don’t feel worthy of dispensing it. Perhaps the best thing I can share is that no matter what you are feeling, keep ROWing.
This year, I want to focus more on my wife and daughter and get out of my head. I want to reconnect with old friends and listen to more music. I want to be a content creator instead of a content consumer. And I just want to enjoy life more.